Touring

One of the many things that people don’t understand about touring is that you can’t play a whole tour of weekends. The common comment when you’re playing to a small crowd is “you guys would’ve done much better on the weekend.” what are we supposed to do with the rest of the week?? You’re in a different city every night which means most cities are being hit on week nights. If you did a 40+ date tour of all weekends, it would take a whole year!! Another thing is that people have to book a band correctly. You don’t put a country/western band as the opener for the NY philharmonic!! Because we’re an old-school punk band, we need to be put with music of our genre in order to make both parties (us and the club) the most money. Punk is divided between new-school and old-school. This further complicates things I know, but if you want the most profits... Old-school’s core audience are those into punk rock that are about 25 years old and above. Of course this is a generalization, but the theory is proven and sound (we’ve been doing this for 7+years now) If the booking agent has to ask what’s the difference between old-school and new-school, for example, you’re in trouble from jump street! One more thing that is totally at the discretion of the club and booking agent is where to place you in the line-up. If the parties involved have their heads on straight, the strong local act will headline and the touring act will go just before them. A fledgling local act as the opener is a good thing too. They’ll at least have the advantage of living in the same area and can cajole a few friends to come out. See, a strong local act with a guaranteed draw should play last so that the audience will stay through the other bands just to see ‘em. If you make the semi or unknown touring band go last, they’ll be playing to the staff and a few stragglers too drunk to get up and go home. the idea is to help them build a following so when the come through again, you both profit. Finally, the booking agents across the country have got to learn how to simply say “I’m not interested”. They’ve gotta know that by stringing people along, they’re playing with someone’s life. If you don’t want a certain type of band/music in your venue, have the balls to come out and say so and not a string of “call me back on this day”. Don’t you know you’re costing this person money in long distance charges just because your candied ass can’t say no!! Believe me, a band calling is expecting a no and that’s fine. You simply call another club in the desired town until you get a yes answer. Nobody’s gonna get ridiculous on the phone because you say no. All of this goes together to help ensure a profitable experience for everyone involved. Most of the club booking agents across the country don’t even take the time to look over these three simple steps. I know they’re all busy and have to wade through dozens of audition tapes per week, but if you chose this profession, have the professionalism to do a good job. Everybody makes out.

To the audiences:

You folks that go out just to hear a certain type of music and get horn swoggled into listening to the opener which isn’t remotely what you’re into, don’t blame the band 100%. You don’t know what it’s like to have a club manager/booking agent mix-match you with somebody just because they didn’t wanna take the time to book a similar genre night. There are those that believe that multi-genre music nights are a good thing. I’ve never seen those work for the bands or the listeners and I understand your plight after paying your hard earned cash and seeing pepper the amazing, rapping Chihuahua when you paid to see Garth Brooks. All I’m saying is turn your anger off of the band and onto the club/booking agent. The band is simply trying to make a buck and get some recognition and took the gig regardless. In some cases they don’t know who they’re sharing the stage with until they arrive!

Handling the opposite sex:

If you’re like me and just adore the female form, you’re gonna get dissed and called a lecherous fuck. Anything you do is seen as a come-on. But if you decide to stay away from the ladies so you won’t get this unfair JUDGMENT, you’re full of yourself and then people won’t talk to you because they think you’re full of yourself. It’s been my experience that musicians on the road don’t get laid half as much as they’d have the public believe. Anybody becomes a lech after staring at half-dressed women night after night for weeks on end and getting no release at all. You just can’t win.

Abbreviated History of Punk Rock

Punk is something that started back in the late 60’s and early 70’s as far as anybody can tell. Believe it or not, Punk didn’t start in England, but wasn’t popularized here in the states until Malcolm McLaren took it home to England and returned with his Sex Pistols. The NYC scene was already established and strong, but stayed underground. What Malcolm brought back and the American media picked up on is what we now know punk to be. To find it’s real roots, we need to find somebody old enough to have been a teen in the early 70’s in NYC. As McLaren put it, the lower working class/blue collar people of England felt like they weren’t getting their fair share. They didn’t like having to put up with the status quo of you can’t wear this or say that or do this if you want “our’ approval. The poor kids were looking for a way to rebel against their puritan society and decided to be as anti “them” as possible. The clothing and music was to thumb their noses at the powers that be and it did just that. The clothing and hair at least came from necessity not fashion. The kids couldn’t afford new clothes and therefore just pinned and/or patched what they had and kept wearing it. Boots outlast shoes so they were again worn out of necessity. The hair, they couldn’t afford haircuts (which require regular maintenance) so they cut their own hair. Of course not being barbers, they fucked it up!! Rather than change itto “conform” they left the fucked up hair and there ya go!!

Philly’s Punk Scene (Circa 1981)

To start this off right, I’d like to fill everybody in on something. The Philly Punk scene was and is in West Philly. There has been a rivalry since the beginning of this thing (mid-eighties). See, unlike most cities that have a Punk scene, ours is divided. There’s the Center City half that was basically trust-fund kids living in Center City (usually on or around the very trendy Rodman street) on mom and dad’s money and trying to be rebellious and cool. These were the people that got all the press. They’re in Center City and those reporting the events don’t wanna have to travel to West Philly just to cover a show. The public, not knowing any better, assumes that what they are reading and or hearing is the way things are. South street became the punk place to be as the press told the tale. If this is true, then why were all the shows held in West Philly. The West Philly punks (called the smelly West Philly people by the trendier Center City crew) were runaways and squatters and such. Lots of free spirits covered the area because its’ right near the colleges (University of Penn and Drexel University) which are historically conducive to those that don’t just follow society. Now there’s another fly in the ointment. Old-school punk vs. New-school punk. This farther separates the scene. West Philly is more old-school and the trendier Center City crew of course is into the latest and greatest.

Punk Hangouts

Fake house/Fake haus

According to who you ask, it’s spelled one way or the other. This place is a bigger space than Kilitime and exists one door away. Not long ago, people built rooms above and do live here as well. Back in the day though, you came to see a show and left.

KiIlTime

This West Philly haven has been around forever. The cornerstone of the Philly Punk Scene of the early 80’s. It’s really a warehouse with apartments above. You enter through the kitchen and snake around till you’re in the hall. The tenants decided to have punk shows and it was not only lucrative, but fun! Jo-Ann (our illustrious lead singer) is one of the “famous” people that have lived and booked shows here.

Abe’s Steak house

Nobody was actually brave/stupid enough to eat the food here. In the back of this tiny totally unsanitary, greasy spoon, sat a smallish storage room. The room was rented out to none other than Philly’s own Chuck Meehan now residing in NYC. He’d throw legendary shows in this cramped space. There was nowhere to sit except on top of the ancient refrigerator just left haphazardly in the room. Total fire-trap that it was, we all miss it so.

Asylum

No, I’m not talking about the one that showed up many years later on Delaware Avenue. This place was a 4-story house with many roommates banning together to throw huge parties with bands in the basement. This was one of many of these places that were around during the West Philly Punk scene heyday. The girl trying to get away from her drugged out boyfriend and jumping out of the 4th floor bathroom window ended this place as a hang-out/band joint.

Crypt (the)

This one is famous for the near death of a Penn student and the battle between punks and jocks that started the end of these establishments. As the story goes, some U of P jocks were messing with the usual hangers on that couldn’t afford to get inside the show. They got trounced and went back to get help in the form of the football/basketball team. What they didn’t count on were the dozens of punks charging out of the place to wreak havoc upon their muscled heads. Cops showed up just after some jock nearly got his throat slit. If he punk wasn’t drunk, and had aimed lower

Fat House

Another West Philly 4 story house where the basement housed the music and the other floors housed the rest of the party. Named after Howard and others of large stature living in this domicile. Howard from Fat Howard’s Army for the uninitiated.

Funk Dungeon

This place is/was in North Philly which isn’t exactly conducive to Punk rock. You really had to watch your step leaving here at night.

Milk Bar

This place is the northeastern equivalent to the West Philly houses that became places to see bands. It’s even more North than Silk City and even more East. Watch yourself leaving please. Now there’s a club in Center City that bears the name. Wonder where they got it??

Pi Lam

Shortened from Pi Lambda Phi which is a fraternity house. The students of this frat are viewed as the animal-house of the school. The party animals and this place lives up to its name. Downstairs is an illegal bar/pickup joint and bands are frequently hired for large parties. Once a year is the fraternity’s famous Human Barbecue where everybody gets baked. Lasts for roughly 48hrs straight.

Clubs

Upstairs at Nicks

Nicks Roast beef used to use the upstairs for storage. Great place for a bar somebody said and then all hell broke loose! When Rick D. moved his booking-agent talents from the Firenze, it was a win-win situation for all involved. Bigger, brighter venue on a well-traveled street and with it’s own restaurant attached that had a bar and reputation of its own. It’s also right down the street from the Khyber and on the same side of the street! It’s a Disco now so forget playing here unless your name starts with D.J.

Firenze Tavern

This dive in the heart of Philadelphia’s Chinatown was of the up again/down again variety. Because it’s off the beaten path, Punk used to flourish in this dank, dark, tunnel-like place. The current owner seems to be holding it open. This place it gone again.

Khyber Pass Pub

This place is a Philadelphia tradition according to the press. Because it was more contemporary in its tastes, this place wasn’t usually frequented by the West Philly scene. Local bands are notoriously under cut and mistreated at the hands of the owners/operators. Even some traveling bands have been given a bum steer here. Play it so you have it on your bands resume, but don’t expect any money or respect. They’re really straightening their act up after getting such a gnarly reputation. The new booking agent actually gives a shit.

SilkCity

This place is attached to a diner and is not really set up for bands. The tiny room has housed some acts large and small none the less and is recently a scenester hang-out. Off the beaten path, just north of Center City and decked out a living room of the 50’s or 60’s. Word on the street is that this is the place Chrissie Hynde of Pretenders fame hangs her hat when in the Philly area.

J.C. Dobbs <Now the Pontiac Grille>

These guys took their band etiquette cue from the Khyber. Local bands get treated like doodle unless you were a long haired pretty boy and hung out on Wednesday nights kissing the owner/managers ass. See Wednesday was the night you came down and schmoozed. If you became part of the clique, your band was assured a ticket to ride with the “Philly elite”. You were then assured a spot in this place and the Khyber! Now that it’s the Pontiac Grille, you never know which off-beat, suburban bands you’ll find in there.

Casbah

This short-lived place was a hoot! Upstairs was reggae and other Afro-centric/rhythm inspired music. Downstairs had swingers nights as well as rock bands. The rock angle never took off, but you could say you played the same stage as the live sex act during one of the clubs famous “swingers nights”. Ross was the light man here along with Andre who’s famous in the West Philly punk scene because back in the day, if there was a show, Chuck Meehan (Jo-Ann’s cousin) booked it and Andre did the sound. This place was shut down because of an anonymous tip to the police that there were public orgies here. They burst in and shoved some people around, but nothing was amiss. The landlord closed the doors nonetheless.

Middle East

This place is an alternative for the Delaware Avenue crowd. Three floors of music and all of it fresh off the been-there/done-that tracks. Very trendy though. Short-lived club that’s less than a memory now. Our personal memory includes opening for G.G. Allyn’s band the Murder Junkies. G.G. was already dead, but Merle was keeping the family tradition alive. To make a long story short, his fans got out of line and were kicked out. They caused trouble and fighting on their way out and none of the bands of the night were allowed back.

R.U.B.A.

The Russian, Ukrainian Brotherhood Association is what the letters stand for. You can rent the room out and have whatever kind of show you want. Members of the club are on hand to work the bar while you rake it in at the door. It’s directly behind Silk City, so everybody knows where it is. You never know what to expect when coming to this venue.

THORAZINE

First Tour 1994 (the Arkansas Experience)

This section has definitely been cut down from the original so as not to hurt the feelings of those I had named. I’ll be replacing those escapades in the published version. Our 1st tour we had a driver who also would be hurt if I mentioned their real name, but I can’t write about this experience without ‘em knowing who it is I’m talking about. Didn’t consider this until now. We were on our first tour in November of ‘94. Philly to Texas with lotsa stops in between We drove straight thru till Texas with stops only for bathrooms,food and gas. We made a stop in Arkansas at a lonely convenience store/gas station. The sign just as we got off the highway read “127 miles to Little Rock”. It was the middle of the night and this place was in the middle of nowhere! I was the last to leave the van (putting shoes back on) and as I was crossing the empty parking lot, I saw this silhouette running towards me flailing its arms. As the person reached whispering distance, I caught the voice of Jo-Ann frantically whisper/yelling “GET BACK IN THE VAN” I retorted” I gotta pee and I wanna snickers”. She said get back in there, there’s white supremacist rhetoric all over the place in there and get this. There was a barrel with rods in it approximately 3ft in length and 1-1 1/2 inches in diameter with writings etched on ‘em. Nigger be good, Wife be good, Dog be good, Jew be dead along with other t-shirts and such. Needless to say, I ducked down and we gassed up and got outta there. I wasn’t allowed outta the van to pee until we reached Texas soil. It was the longest I ever held my water and the last time I set foot on ARKANSAS soil!!!

Lollapalooza95

Sunday ,July 30th, 1995, 10:30 am.

Jo-Ann called to speak with Shawn London (organizer of the LAB) and after reaching this one and then that one and having somebody reach him via radio on the site, we had his ear. We were supposed to hear from him with directions and final details (i.e.. what equipment we needed to bring, how many guests we were allowed,etc.) but in the hustle and bustle, we never heard from him. After reaching him and finding out that we were in fact still on the bill, we found that we had to be at the vendors gate at 11 am Monday July 31st with proper l.D. to identify ourselves. After she hung up the phone and we hopped around the room a minute, we realized that we still didn’t have directions! Jo-Ann picked up the phone once again. This time, since we simply wanted directions, we took whoever picked up the line. Mistake number one!!! This chick gave us some bass ackwards directions that till this day go down in history. With all the out-of-town gigs we do and the two tours we’ve been on, we’ve never suffered from bad directions until now. But I’m jumping ahead. We didn’t know at this point that we had slap-happy directions so we started to pack,shower and shimmy our booties at the fact that although we were supposed to hear from Shawn 3-4 days prior, we were still on the bill at LOLLAPALOOZA!!!

3pm.

We hit the A+ at 45th & Baltimore for gas (got our favorite spot too) and ice for the cooler and some cold drinks. In the van was Ross (bassist and owner of said van) Elliott (guitarist and main squeeze of Jo-Ann) Jo-Ann (singer/manager and main squeeze of Elliott) Alyssa (bassist of Nympho Clepto) and Adina (high school chum of Jo-Ann) and me (Dallas the drummer) Here we were crammed into the van with no a/c and high hopes. The plan was to get there a day early and sleep over so we’d be fresh for the hopefully appreciative Lollapalooza crowd. We took 76 straight up and then in/near Pittsburgh we started paying more attention to the area-specific directions given. First off, Lolla wasn’t held in Pittsburgh. It was in a suburb called Burgettstown to avoid entertainment taxes (probably why the Philly one was held in Camden,NJ). After getting driving for forever (the 5 hour trip became a 7 hour one) we ended up in/near the place we wanted to be. If we went to the site (Star Lake Amphitheater) there was a Best Western hotel about 10 minutes away. If we stayed at the airport, which was 1/2 an hour away, we’d be farther away but get cheaper rates. We made it to the amphitheater just in time to see the R.E.O. Speedwagon concert held that night ending. The police there directing traffic were our best source of info, so we pulled over. They knew who we were!! “Hey, we’re playing here tomorrow and looking for place to spend the night”. “What band are ya?” he asked. We told him and he says much to our surprise “you’re that band from t.v. with the lawsuit right?” We beamed back “OH, YEAH!” and he told us to head back towards Pittsburgh proper for a place to stay. We only had a 1/4 tank of gas at this point and didn’t wanna risk running out. So we pulled over at a lonely Exxon station in Imperial, PA which is just outside Pittsburgh. We asked the attendant and as it turned out, the Hilltop Motel was just 75-1 Ooyds away and was clean and cheap! This was definitely fitting the bill! We arrived and decided not to lie but to tell the truth. We were six tired, hungry folks and didn’t wanna tell the hotel folks that we were 4 and then slip the other two in at 3-4am just to save a few bucks (we’re guilty of this on tour though) <-- ps. don’t print!! For a whopping $35 for a double room (one bath, two double beds and cable TV) and $25 for a single (same deal, but one bed) which made $10 each, we were ready for the sandman. But not before we threw down with some vittles! The friendly motel managers a nice older couple (who warned us “no wild parties”) told us that if we got back on the road we came up, we’d see food galore. We followed the advice and sure enough, there were restaurants a plenty. We pulled up at the Eat-n-Park. Mistake number two!!! Shouldn’t you park before you eat!?!?! This should’ve been a clue, but we were tired and hungry and ready to take our chances at this point. We trail in, scaring the constituents into a froth with our tattoos, boots and city-slicker personas intact. I had half a mind to go BOO just on g.p. We were led into two booths. A lady came over and took our beverage orders and went away. Then came Al. From here on in we referred to him as La. Hilarious dude, bored outta his wits! He’d worked there 5yrs although he has a teaching degree. He has a wife, that works there on alternate days from him, and their 9 month old baby. We couldn’t stop laughing and he told us that he worked from 2 pm till I am and that if we hung till he got off, he’d ease the prices down a pinch. This day was lookin up! But we started to get weary and the food was gnarly! Being the vegetarians, Alyssa and I ordered stir-fry vegetables. These veggies were boiled frozen veggies thrown over some half cooked rice. They did give us ginger flavored soy sauce which made the meal! I also found out that if you drink a strawberry shake and eat Cole slaw with it (got the slaw as my side which accompanied the veggies) your belches for the rest of the night taste like shrimp! This coming from a vegetarian of almost 5 years sent my head reeling! This also made for much merriment at our booths. We made our way outta there finally (La held us captive by taking extra time getting our food to us and then “forgetting” things and then taking his time getting the check to us) we told him we’d pay full price if only he’d let us go! He gave us the abbreviated checks anyhow and we tipped him heavy (we always do as a rule) and wished him well. Nice dude and we hope his days are always as merry as the 90 minutes or so we spent at the Eat-n-Park.

Beddie bye time!

This was uneventful so I’ll just say we knocked back some gnarly z’s.

Monday July 31 st 8:30 am.

Being the early risers, Alyssa, Adina and I went to the market which was just down the hill. There was also a Mickey D’s so we offered to bring back coffee for those of the caffeine induced wake-up could do so. Passing by the local garage, was an experience for their eyes because Alyssa was wearing a micro-mini skirt and sports bra and Adina was wearing a skirt which was low in the back and high in the front and a sports bra. Then there’s me with bald, black head, shades and black military shorts, combat boots and a THORAZINE t-shirt. Work in the 2-bay garage down the hill came to a halt as they all ran up to get a gander. As we appeared at the market, I decided to let loose this ground rattling belch (no shrimp flavorings though) which sent the elderly patrons to shivering and pointing. After grabbing our glop, we were outta there and headed for Mickey D’s for caffeine. These weird smiles were on the server girls faces. The cooks were peering out from behind their grilles too. We ordered our shit and the manager all of a sudden had something to do behind the counter. She asked if we were here for Lolla and one of the girls mentioned I was playing there. This provoked more wide-eyed pointing and mumbling from the peanut gallery. On our way back up the hill to the Hilltop Motel, Alyssa’s bag burst and sent her jelly flying. The good ol’ boys at the garage wolf whistled but stayed inside this time and we made it back just in time to wolf down our attempt at breakfast on the road and get outta there. We made it to the Star Lake Amphitheater without event and found the vendors entrance. They told us where to put our gear (a tent beside the 3rd stage/LAB )and showed us the coolers of drinks that was refilled all day and was for the band members and anybody they wanted to share with. We also found out that we were headlining the LAB! Each stage has a headlining act and we were it! We walked around to see the main stage. This sucker was huge. Lotsa seats outta the sun and then lawn seats with monitor screens so you could still see what was going on. The second stage was just over a hill. This way the sound from one stage didn’t overlap the other because of the natural sound impediment of a hill. The LAB was on the side of the main stage again separated by a hill. We had the benefit of being near the vendors stands though so in my opinion, the LAB got more of an audience share than the second stage at this event. We also got to meet Shawn London face to face and found out from another source that somebody was almost fired because of us!! Seems that the talent coordinator of the LAB had some Pittsburgh band in mind and fought to get us thrown off the bill because we were from Philly. Shawn told him that nobody told him who he could and couldn’t have on his stage and if he didn’t like it to take his local band and shove it and his job up his ass!! Here we were causing controversy again!! As usual, we didn’t initiate any of this but boy does it help. Nothing like a little controversy to keep your band fresh in everybody’s minds. After wandering from stage to stage and gulping down countless free spring waters and such, it was time to take the stage. We were told by one guy, we were cut from 45 to 35 minutes and again Shawn London came to our rescue with a single gruff reply: “these guys get 45!” So it was written, so it was done. The event before us was a nice butt competition to counter act the ugly butt competition between the last band’s arrival. The winner of the ugly butt contest was this dude with enough hair on his butt to geri-cuil. You could all but dread lock that shit!!! The nice butt competition was all female and some scrumptious onion was on display (THORAZINE calls womens asses oniOnS) There was Bermuda onions (BIG bottomed girls) scallions (little petite girls) and firm sandwich sized onion (right about where I like ‘em). This drew one helluva crowd! Not wanting to lose the crowd, we opened with a bang and machine gunned through our first 3 songs in rapid succession. They cheered and jumped around more for us than anybody on the LAB stage all day! One guy hadda be thrown out for moshing too hard! Our music started a violent moth pit at LollapalooZa! Security was summoned. Wherever the security went, lotsa people traipsed behind to try and catch a good fight. This inadvertantlY gave us a bigger audience. These people ended up staying to see/cheer us on. We finished and then the M.C. said “let’s hear it for THORAZINE” and the reply was more, more, more! He said there was enough time to do one more if we chose. IF WE CHOSE!?!?!? i practically came in my pants from the screaming and such. Anybody ~fl the band that didn’t wanna do an encore song had a north Philly ass whippifl on tap!! We got offstage after the encore and were swamped with people buying our t-shirts (not too many sold) and records (lots were sold) and free stickers. We shook hands, talked and posed for pictures too. Coming home was less eventful because we knew where we were going. I couldn’t sleep so here I am at 6 am typing this when my tired ass should be asleep. Such is life

LATE 96 TOUR

10/15/96

We’re scheduled for our biggest tour yet to start on 10/17/96. Yesterday, Ross, our bassist, fell off his motorcycle and broke his fibia (shoulder blade) and can’t do diddly for 3 weeks. The president of our label has agreed to fly from L.A. to here and be our bassist so we don’t have to ditch the tour. By the time we reach L.A. Ross should be healed enough to play and will join us via plane in L.A. at that time. Then Lee Joseph (our labels president) can return to life as usual. This tour has been fraught with mishap from day one and I truly believe, that if we make it through this and are still a functioning band, we deserve big props!!!

10/17/96- Thursday MorgantOwn \NV (SunnySide Music Emporium)

Just as we were packing to leave, the mail arrived. Jo-Ann was selected for Jury duty. The only way to respond in the negative was by letter. We’d be gone for almost 2 months. We arrived on schedule despite leaving an hour after we’d planned. It felt like Summer. Ross, who’d broken his shoulder blade on Monday in a motorcycle accident, was spending most of the trip in the back. We have a futon back there and with all the sleeping bags and personal belongings, he made himself a comfortable nook. See, he had to sleep in a semi sitting position. We arrive to find that there are no other bands going on!! Draegermafl, Mechanism 101 and Capsule were nowhere to be seen. Originally, two of the three were supposed to open. Since this couldn’t be decided, all three were going to participate in the opening. By the time we got there, the flyers were for just us and Mechanism 101. Then 20 minutes prior to our arrival, they canceled! The club offered free beer to those who showed (until the two kegs kicked) and this drew a small crowd who were rather appreciative. We did an interview with a film major of the local college. Jo wrote her letter.

10/19/96- Saturday Rochester NY (Bugjar)

En route to Rochester, we stopped for gas 50 miles south of Erie PA. A tiny truck stop. Jim Morrison, a cross-country trucker, walked in and wanted a poster for his 13 year old daughter. The attendant wanted one too and also bought a CD. Jim was full of stories and offered us a place to stay in Virginia. Hell, he had a 58 acre farm and a 12 bedroom house. Nobody there but him, wife, daughter and twin daughterS. We arrive at the club after getting lost with the directions we were given. The place filled up fast. We were treated like royalty by the staff. Our food buy-out was marvy (ChineseNietflamese)a~ we made our guarantee. Afterwards, one of the owners put us up. His house was fantastic. Jacuzzi, exotic fish, computers everywhere and a giant friendly great Dane named Zeus. The owners of the Bugjar all own houses side by side in a nice area. We were told it was crack central though. The club was a medium sized two room bar. Huge paper mache’ bugs attached to the ceiling fan provided amusement. This along with the furnishings of a loft/studio apartment attached to the ceiling. Bathroom, living room, bedroom, kitchen. How they ever get it up there is beyond me!

10/20/96- Sunday Cincinnati OH (Gotham)

The club was nearly 10 hours from the last stop. Uneventful drive except for the accident we passed. A van had an argument with a semi and lost hard. Elliott saw the officials cover some-body with a sheet. We reach the club at 10 pm and load in. The place had a few stragglers and looked like weren’t going to be playing to much of an audience. The booking agent was Kevin and his wife was the owner. Kevin shows up as the opening act was taking the stage. The contract said he’d buy us out on food. After finding out that the pizza joint was closed, he sent us to a restaurant. His calling ahead got us seated and fed in time for our set. His $50 allowed us to eat what we wanted. We got back, banged out a set and that was that. Kevin treated us like royalty. The sound man, John, traded his pay for a T-shirt and CD. Turns out he was another Triumph rider. Kevin was a bundle of info on where we should try to get booked next time out. He also had a DJ friend in Florida who was along the tour route. He gave us his phone number and since Kevin would be in Florida ahead of us, he’d give the guy a CD for us. All we had to do was remind him to play it and announce the show. After dropping Kevin in Madiera (his hometown)20 minutes outside of Cincinnati, we stopped at a Gas-n-Such. Then drove straight to Detroit. The Super 8 didn’t allow smoking so we ended up at the Red Roof Inn.

10/21/96 - Monday Detroit MI (Old Miami)

We knew we were in a bonafide punk club. The bartender was a scrumptious little thing in a half shirt with dark hair and a thick body. Lacie, of the Hillside Stranglers booked bands 2-3 nights a week. He’d set this up as a 5 band bill. It wasn’t the biggest club in the world, so we stuck our equipment onstage against the walls. Nobody knew we were supposed to get fed, so we waited for Lade to show. Then we ordered pizza. After sever hours, it showed. The place actually filled up for a Monday night. This was another state where entrance required you to be 18 but drinking required ID of 21. There were teeny bopper girls everywhere. I could see where a man on the road could land himself in jail. This place had out door shows on the patio which had a big grassy lot for the audience to frolic in. Because it was too cold for outdoor shows, everybody used this vacant space for smoking pot and such. When we went on, the hour was late. The crowd had only thinned a bit surprisingly though. They were really into it! Some merchandise was sold and we were invited to play a 94 band outdoor punk fest in Canada during the summer of ‘97. We decided to stop for munchies to have with the cable TV waiting for us back at the motel. The girl behind the counter had a ball with us. Even gave us a free floating eyeball souvenir. Detroit is definitely a blue collar town.

10/23/96- WednesdaY Iowa City IA (Gabes)

This place survives strictly because of the college kids. Without ‘em, we’re talking nowhereSVille. We played a record store called BJ’s in the afternoon. Too nasty for the college crowd. The high schoolers were old-school fans and liked us just fine. Our CD had sold out here and the owner, Sal, bought some from us. The night show was 2 blocks away. This went better than expected. See, the headline act remembered that Elliott did sound for ‘em in Philly. Their road manager/merch person, Tiny, used to manage clubs and gave us info and names to fill in any blank dates of our tour. We could drop his name almost anywhere in the country and we were in like Flynn. The Frantic Flat tops played rockabilly and so did the middle band the Subsonics. It was a mixed match bill, but worked out just fine. We woke the crowd up. The Subsonics introduced the theme for the evening and the Frantic Flat Tops wowed ‘em with Rockabilly. Not exactly our audience, but they were digging it.

10/25/96 -Friday Denver CO (Cricket Ofl the Hill)

We stayed with Bill Houston. The guy who booked the show. We’d arrived the night before and were let into his swanky hi-rise apartment which he shared with an indeterminate number of people. During the day, we watched a movie with Jenns which was one of his roommates. The we showered and went to a cybercafe called Nether world to check our email. This place had coffee, tea, food, alcohol, a game/pool room and topped it off with Internet access. We hung out for a few hours then met our host at a bar which had free buffet every night. Jo & I filled up so we wouldn’t need dinner. Then it was off to the club. This place was nice sized, but had little round tables. Four could sit around one. The place swelled nearly to capacity and we were gonna set this place on fire. The lead singer for Bill’s band was arrested the night before on drug charges. What’s newsworthy about this is that the lead singer of another band here was the snitch paid off by police to rat him out. This guy booked another club in town which Bills band played last Friday. Soon, it was our turn to take the stage. The crowd loved us. There were hoots and cheers and Hell-Yeah’s after every song. Our set was cut short because of those ahead of us taking too long setting up, breaking down and we jumped offstage. Immediately, the mantra of thank you, thank you very much was taken up. Later, back at the apartment, Jenns showed up with the opening act in tow. They had a bi.g Winnebago and were from Albuquerque. They asked for band advice and hung on our every word. Then they left and the band except me snoozed. The drummer from Bills band, Mike, arrived with a little cutie named Lori. Jo assumed that Lori lived here because she’d let us in the night before. I talked with her until Jenns, Mike and Lori left for breakfast. The snow that the weather channel promised us never came.

10/26/96- Saturday Boulder CO (Club 156)

This was a fiasco from word go. It wasn’t actually a club. It’s actually a concert venue on the campus of a college. The guy who booked the show was in mourning because his father had just passed away. Those left in charge were going to pay us by check which would have to be mailed. We wouldn’t see Philly till December. There was an all-Asian party going on above us. Just outside the hall was a full arcade and activity center. Bowling, Arcade games, Pool tables and the place was brimming over with kids. Unbeknown to us, Boulder is definitely a granola munchin’, Grateful Dead listenin’ crowd. The opening act for tonight was named 8 bucks. This apparently was how much they’d made on their first show. The original opening act canceled. They just didn’t show. 8 bucks had the few kids who were there hopping and enjoying themselves. We were next and chased nearly everybody outta there. Young college kids today are unaccustomed to old-school punk plain and simple. What’s being called punk today is anything but. Those that remained enjoyed themselves. The headline act played to a bare room. I felt guilt after Jo-Anns conversation with the female bassist of said act. She asked Jo what label we were on. Hell Yeah is from their hometown of L.A. After this, the woman ignored Jo-Ann. We packed up and had to reenter via the main doors because the venue doors locked behind us. Three drunken Asian teens, none of which were even 5’ tall, yelled “Three white motherfUCkers”. Ross and Jo never heard it, but Elliott and I did. Elliott decided to stay outside and finish his cigarette and see if they really wanted to start something. As expected, it was the ranting of 3 drunken children.

10/28/96- Monday Salt Lake City UT (Bar & Grille)

This was our warmest reception yet. We’d played here last year. Steve was eager to have us back. Earlier, we’d gotten and oil change as well as laundry and a supermarket stop. At the oil change, I was asked if we were a band or a gang. We didn’t expect such a crowd on a cold, rainy Monday night, but the joint was jumpin. We went 2nd and they loved it. After us, was a testosterone laden band. Some of their buddies got drunk and a commotion broke out. Two were forcefully ejected. I felt partially responsible. During our set, a mosh pit broke out. These kids were having the time of their lives. After we got offstage, one kid came up to voice his praise and wouldn’t let go of my hand. Anyway, 2-3 more of these guys got ejected and one of ‘em decided to take out a window of the club in retaliation. He used a plastic trash can. Police were called. This town would definitely remember us. Boy could these kids drink! Large pseudo lesbian contingent here also.

10/29/96 - Tuesday Reno NV (Insurrection Records)

Becca was putting us up and we drove all night to arrive here. See, she put us up during our first cross country tour when she lived in L.A. She books bands for a living and we’ve repaid her by putting up some of her bands in Philly. Jo & El immediately hit the ya while Becca took Ross and I on a quick sightseeing tour. As it turned out, Rob and Kimber, the tattoo parlor and record store owners/operators were buds. The tattoo boys heard our CD coming out of the record store and when Kimber went in the back, they borrowed/Stole the CD. After doing a week of tattooing to our music, they were ready for the real thing. When word got out that the owner was thinking of having us at his shop, the tattoo boys convinced him it was a good idea. Ross and I figured that if they were that into us, we might get discount rates on some new ink. The record store she works at is where we’re playing tonight. After hitting the bookstore and finding out that tattoo shop was closed, it was beddie bye time. We awoke and were taken to dinner on Kimber’s, the owners, credit card. It was part of Becca’s job to take the visiting bands to dinner with said card. We stopped by the store first to make sure the P.A. system arrived safely. As Elliott was backing out of the lot, BAM!! See, there’s this huge cement beam that supports a road sign and he didn’t see it. Now the bumper wouldn’t allow the door to open. We decided to eat first and fix later. We returned to the record store and Elliott got a microphone stands base to hammer the fender down so the door would open. After multiple tries, we found that Kimber had a sledge. It opened in a jiffy and we loaded in. The opening act had a singer with sudden anxiety and we were the only act playing tonight. They really liked us and the merchandise started selling. Kimber bought some for his store. Rob, the tattoo artist felt bad we’d stopped by earlier and his shop was closed. He offered to give me a $200 tattoo for $40 after the show. He was supposed to do Ross at 10 am, but mine took till 3:15 am and dude wasn’t up to it. Another town totally into Thorazine.

10/30/96 - Wednesday Chico CA (Juanitas)

We were early as usual and spent some time in the cybercafe a half block away. The signs outside Juanitas boasted healthy food and good music. The portions were huge and cheap. Very bohemian crowd here. Syb, which isn’t short for CyblIl, had a thick British accent and was quick to tell us about pantyhose junction as a cool place to kill some time. Although she was kinda, sorta running the show, she didn’t show up until we were just about onstage. There were 3 bands. One local and one from Seattle and us. The Seattle band didn’t show and we went first. Things should’ve been pushed later. They were really into us. Many comments on my traditional grip as usual. After the locals finished, there was a decent crowd and the bands were already finished. Jo-Ann’s friend Ken was putting us up in San Francisco, but we couldn’t arrive before 7 am. After leaving Chico, we stopped at a truck stop called pantyhose junction. All the women wore micro-mini dresses and exposed underwear and pantyhose. Nobody was hungry, but we had time to kill. We ate dessert and split. We arrived in front of the apartment and slept where we were till 7 am.

11/1/96 - Friday Berkeley CA (924 Gilman St.)

This is a DIY joint run by kids for kids. They show up in dozens and don’t move around too much. The rules of the place prohibit violent moshing/dancing. Many bands that are “big” now got their start here. As usual, we were early and decided to grab a bite. Then came the opening acts and the polite clapping of the crowd. We went on and they gave us a wide berth. They weren’t used to real punk. Old-school punk. Nor were they used to their stage being occupied by people that weren’t teens and ninety pounds dripping wet! They seemed to kinda like us. Two bands followed and then it was time to get paid. The headline act and the others gave up part of their share to us. We were the only out of towners Everything was run by committee and they asked us back whenever we hit their city. The only knucklehead was the security/doorman who blocked entrance with his legs and moved only if sufficiently making you wait. The signs in the club stating “NO MACHO BULLSHIT” didn’t seem to apply to this guy. He earned his $30 regardless of the rules.

11/2/96 - Saturday Oceanside CA (Ta Kill Yaz)

Camp Pendleton is the largest U.S. Marine base in the world. It’s less than half a mile from this club. The town was so gung ho, that the hookers yelled Semper Fl when ya did ‘em! We showed up and as usual, nobody knew what was going on. Cute bartender felt bad, but had no info. There was tension in the air. Something was gonna go down. The bill we were playing on was nothing like what we were told it would be. We ended up 5th on a 5 band bill. 3 Jarheads were drunk and moshing. One drunken corporal helped us load in and bought a t-shirt. We became instant friends once he saw we had the same outlook on things political. Later he nearly ended up in a fist fight with some guy. He was making grabbing motions behind her buff and the boyfriend caught him. We made instant friends with Media Blitz. They were the opening band and were Mexicans from L.A. We’d be playing a date later in the tour with ‘em also. The crowd thinned, but we slammed it anyway Those sober enough to appreciate us liked it. Two drunken guys stood right up close and one started messing with Elliott’s pedals. Jo called for the bouncer to remove the guy. He later bought merchandise and apologized. We made connections with the sound man and booking agent, but otherwise learned never to play Jarhead towns. Oceanside is less than 2 hours from the Mexican border. There were signs resembling deer-crossing signs all over the highway. But instead of deer, there was a family running across the road. These were illegal alien crossing signs. We had to pass through a checkpoint. What a sad, humbling state of affairs.

11/3/96- Sunday Hillside CA (Mr.T’s)

This place was a converted bowling alley. After finding it, which wasn’t easy because there was no sign, we were ready to chow. We drove around a little before settling on a sit down Chinese restaurant. Susan Wong, the proprietor, was hilarious. Her waitress didn’t speak much English, so she shooed her away and stepped in. So joyous she was. She wanted to know where we were from. We told her and what we were doing so far from home. She then put on some Karoke of her singing Chinese Operas. She gave us free soup and asked where we were playing. We told her she’d need a leather jacket to get in. You’ve gotta picture this lady. 4’ 2” middle aged Chinese woman in a leather jacket at a punk show. As we left, she must’ve told the whole staff there were stars in the restaurant. The cooks and everybody else came out to wave goodbye at the window. Back at the club, the band before us was a b-fl/Joke band. We played to a small but very appreciative audience and ended up talking instruments and price differences between the East and West coasts.

11/5/96- Tuesday W. Los Angeles CA (Rhino Records)

This is the 3rd time we’re playing a record store. It’s election day and California has more issues to settle than anywhere I’ve seen. We left the Hell Yeah/Dionysus offices so Lee & Aime could vote. Kirby rode with us to show us the way. There were supporters of different issues with signs and much fervor. We drove thru Hollywood and a few other places before finding ourselves at the destination, It was like being on a tour shuttle with Kirby pointing out all the stuff we were passing. I was really enjoying LA and it’s suburbs this time out. I think this time I really got to see the glamour that our last trip here was lacking. We made it to the store and set up. The manager/owner had a computer with Internet access and it was time to check my email. Midway thru, it was time to play. A couple stood stunned near the entrance. Friends of ours were there. The owner bought 10 CD’s and immediately put them on display. Afterwards, we hung out talking with friends and checking out records. A guy whose band used to be on the label showed up. Record stores are a crap shoot. Our audience was either voting or couldn’t make it through the traffic of those that were. Regardless,, our mark in LA was made.

11/9/96 - Saturday Albuquerque NM (Pony Bar)

This place has the prettiest little bartender named Jennifer. 5’ 2” with hair to her little Mexican butt. We’d driven from Burbank and got a motel 3 blocks from the club. We arrive to find that our bene-factors, Media Blitz, who we’d met in Oceanside, might not make tomorrow nights gig. Their vans transmission went. Since Media Blitz set up the show and we wee the only other band there, we had our pick of where we wanted to play in the 4 band lineup. We chose 2nd and MB chose 3rd. The booking agent for the show took 1st. His band only had a 20 minute set anyway. 10 seconds into the first song, their guitarist broke a string. We blasted our set out when our turn came. Some merchandise sold and we decided that after MB played, we were outee. We had a 4 pm load in the next day at an all-ages show in El Paso. We made plans to visit Mexico with MB. After nearly a week dormant in LA, we were winding back to our whirlwind pace.

11/10/96 - Sunday El Paso TX (Wild Hares)

The pool table had a sign that prohibited stripping on the tables. Nothing near this wild was to happen. Media Blitz showed up in the nick of time to go on. The pool haIl next door had a few people leave there to sample the free punk rock. This was almost if not as bad as Boulder. We did get a free motel room out of the deal though.

11/12/96 - Tuesday San Antonio TX (Tacoland)

This place was the most fun thus far. It’s been owned by a little Mexican character named RAM for 30 years. His daughter serves as waitress/bartender also. We’d arrived the night before. See Jennifer, who’s band was sponsoring us, said we could stay with her. We figured we’d meet her at the club and she could lead us back to her place. She was stuck in Austin, we later found out, and ended up staying at Mig’s house. Ram kept his empty bar open until we knew where we were staying. We did meet Jennifer the next day. We were at the club for 8:30 load-in. Things don’t kick in this town till 11 :30-midnite, so we waited. A little crowd did show as promised and we went on at 11:40. previously though we all had a chance to separately talk to Ram. He liked to call everybody pussy and although flO longer a spring chicken and standing a whopping 5’ 4”, had a heart as big as Texas. We talked about guns. Even though he couldn’t hear Jo-Ann Ofi the inadequate pa, we had a good show. Ram as well as the audience biked it and he ended up taking a picture with us for his scrapbook. The people were enthusiastic about us for the most part. A white rap band bought a tee-shirt and LP so they could use it for sampling! A pretty Mexican girl walked up with only a dollar. It was all she had. She gave it to us for our gas. She took a couple stickers in return. I should also mention that we’ve joined the club. See musicians passing thru Texas usually end up getting stopped and searched by a trooper for guns and/or drugs. Our ordeal lasted a few minutes and ended as politely as it had begun. Per our conversation about guns, Ram gave me a cap gun. This way if people outnumbered us and wanted to start shit on the road.

11/14/96 - Thursday Austin TX (Emo’s)

We’d arrived early in town. Had to leave out motel room on the outskirts and bum around till playtime. After an oil change and hitting to motorcycle shops on my account, it was time to hit the market and then the center of town. After a short while, we ran into Justin. This guy used to book the club we’re playing tonight. He invited us back to his house before and after the show. We got there and after some dinner, settled in for the long wait till we hit the stage. We were headlining and probably hitting the stage at I am. The opening act had some kickin tunes, but the 2nd act was the nail in the coffin. Some people we know were staying with this band while in town. They were attempting to be a poor mans Genitorturers. The bead singer was female and came out in dominatrix gear. She came out dragging and whipping this masked girl who incidentally was Tabitha from Philly. After this, things turned up a notch. With her back to the audience, but her legs spread wide, she poked a hole in her fishnets. Then shifted her hot pants to one side and pissed into a plastic CUp. I was wondering why she was drinking so much beer so fast. Then she turned to face the audience and drank some. The rest spilled all over the stage. This wasn’t a problem except the stage was carpeted. We played one of the tightest set of the tour. This was partly due to Christine the sound tech. Gorgeous brown eyed girl with a knack for doing good sound.

11/15/96- Friday Houston TX (Emo’s)

Talk about standing room only. This place had stood where all the others had failed. They did it by never charging a cover and paying the bands a percentage of what came through the bar. Since this was the only surviving club on this side of town, it was packed! Can’t honestly say the whole audience liked us, but since it’s now a pickup joint... The last time we were here, the club next door was a gay bar. Now, it’s a members only reggae club. No alcohol is served and they’re open from I am till dawn. The opening act canceled leaving us the only band. The manager wanted us to play at 12:30 am so we’d play past I am. The sound man wanted us to go on at Midnight. Amongst all the pickup lines and passing of phone numbers, we left at 12:20 am. This was one of the tightest nights of the tour for us. Those that enjoyed the punk rock made mention of how tight we were. The manager commented “you guys have to get picked up, you’re too good and too tight not to!” you could tell the punk fans weren’t in abundance, but were there. We were UP against 2 big punk bills elsewhere in town. All in all, a great evening. Management even took one of our CD’s for the jukebox.

11/16/96- Saturday New Orleans LA (Monaco Bob’s)

This was supposed to be one of if not the most important nights of the tour. Kim Foley was supposed to meet and put us up tonight. For the uninitiated, he’s a semi-famous songwriter who’s written songs for Kiss and many others and discovered Joan Jeff, Lyta Ford and others. He’d even gotten us on the bill last minute just to check us out. The place was small, but the audience was of adequate size to return the energy we were expending. As usual, stuff sold and we were asked back. I could tell when I walked right up and introduced myself that this guy was all talk. He had the power to help us, but we didn’t have “the look”. Kim, Venus and some flunky left, but said they’d be back in an hour. When they didn’t, we were kinda hurtin for a place to stay. We would’ve been stuck if not for TJ and her beau. Debra, the booking agent for the club, also wanted to put us up. We graciously declined, but took her up on the offer of putting our CD in the jukebox. There was a drunken John Lennon look-a-like, complete with suit and tie, begging us to do Louie, Louie. We got a chance to play again with the Fixtures. The LA band we met in Boulder. Our old booking agent lived in New Orleans these days and we went with him for a late, late dinner at the deli his wife Jessica worked at. In true New Orleans style, it was a gay frequented place. As usual, there was pandemonium. The owner as a prank, took Jessica’s tip jar and hit it. When she squealed that it was stolen, Elliott was out the door. Once I’d gathered what was going on, so was I. We saw the last people to leave the place up ahead. After coming up and scanning them and the area for the tip jar, we backed off. Four guys and four girls with me in back and to one side while Elliott surveyed the from the front. They thought we were coming to rob them and were looking around and asking where a cop was. Turned out as we returned to the deli that the owner had replaced the tip jar and was having his laugh with Jessica.

11/19196- Tuesday Pensacola FL (Sluggo’s)

This place was a 2-story club with the 2nd floor for bands. Nice sound system in a large room with decent acoustics. We opened for some local band. The owner, Nick, was a really nice guy. We had a rough gig but the store owner and his girlfriend really dug us and wanted to carry our stuff. They took addresses. There was a crazy guy telling us he was so anti-government that he didn’t bathe because the government put “stuff’ in the water. Another town now knew our name and we were asked back.

11/20/96 - Wednesday Birmingham AL (The Nick)

We come here annually. Nothing much changes except the sound system. Mid-sized bar that a well traveled club for touring bands. Doubles as a local watering hole. The marquee outside always made even the dinkiest band feel like royalty. The opening act was an emo-rock band. I sat outside till they were done. Two punk rock girls came up. They went in and then came to sit outside on the porch with me and Ross. They’d come specifically to see us. The article in “book your own fucking life” made us a must-see for the evening. After our set, people started buying merchandise. The two punk girls were hilarious. The tall one was late and short on her share of the rent. The little one wouldn’t let her buy more than one item. The plan was that one would buy the tee-shirt and the other the CD and they’d share. Lisa who we met at our last trek to the Nick, gave us the skinny on the Canadian Punk Fest we were playing in the summer.

11/21/96- Thursday Tallahassee FL (Cow Haus)

This place was big and cool, but I couldn’t tell whether it was an all-ages venue or a legal club. Some band from California was thrown on the bill last minute making it a 4 band night. The posters led the youngsters to believe there were only 3. After that last minute band, many thought the show was over. Those that remained were mightily impressed. The record store owner and his brother and girlfriend (from Pensacola) was there. Lots of merchandise sold. One girl noticed that Ross wasn’t on the 7” she bought. She then bought the LP with money she borrowed. We hung out talking to some folks who were interested in the squirrel story. Slamming night and I recommend KC’s Cafe for inexpensive food in this town.

11/22/96 - Friday Tampa FL (Brass Mug)

It had to happen. We’ve finally played a club which we didn’t want to return to. Heavy Metal with all its’ make-up and self imposed mayhem, died in the 80’s. These chauvinistic rich-boys and their cheerleader girlfriends are an anachronism. We show up and are immediately met with ‘tood. Heather, the manager, didn’t wanna honor her contract with us that included she feed us. She wouldn’t give up the food until we dugout and showed her the contract. From there on, we’d made an enemy. We wolfed down t he sandwich/fries. Jo-Ann and I weren’t allowed mayonnaise. We hung around till we had enough. Then told management that we’d return later. It was 9 pm and we didn’t go on till I am or so. It was death metal night and we were headlining! We came back after a heart tugging movie on cable. There was one band still making noise and we were on. We cleared the place. Jo-Ann was female and not a Barbie doll and apparently, this is a big no-no. I thought if anything, it would be my skin, but you could see guys air-drumming as they made their mass exodus. We did have one fan who bought an LP and understood what had happened. He was 32 and from Atlanta. He knew old-school punk from death metal. Playing here again was out of the question. We did learn that Tampa and St. Petersburg are twin cities and St. Pete was punk territory. Pam, the door person took stickers and told us she’d spread the word about us. The hint that this wasn’t the town for me should’ve been the drunken hooker telling me I’d been waiting all my life to meet her.

11/23/96 - Saturday Miami FL (Churchills Hideaway)

This place was in the middle of little Haiti. Owned by an older British guy who had two English taxis out front. It was early, so we left to kill some time. We came back to find him replaced by the prettiest bartender I’d ever seen, Tracy. She was getting her portfolio together to embark on a modeling career. Really sweet girl of 25 yrs and we truly wish her well. Barbara, the lady who booked the show, was supposed to cook us a spaghetti dinner. Knowing that one of us was a veggie, she agreed to leave the meatballs on the side. She forgot and threw them right into the sauce. We had to go across the street to a Walgreens to buy some meatless sauce. We bought the last jar! A fourth band was put on the bill. Luckily, they never showed. The 1st & 2nd bands argued over who was going on first. We played last to the smallest audience because the other bands took their audience and split in a huff to punish the club for not having the order sorted out before hand. Those that remained, loved it!! We met an old friend named Jame from Richmond who’d retired to S. Florida. He and his fiancee’ Terry seemed happy. We also talked with some musicians and sold some stuff. We’d made our mark on Miami.

11/26/96- Tuesday Savanna GA (Velvet Elvis)

This one takes the cake as the worst gig. Liz, the booking agent, didn’t bother to flyer and the sound man was called last minute. He was told earlier that there was no show. Apparently Liz hadn’t heard from us in a couple days and figured we’d canceled. The doorman never showed. This was the last week before the club folded. It would open in January under new owners. We just repacked the van and got outta there. Still sold a CD though. Two kids playing MAGIC were there to see us.

11/29/96- Friday Knoxville TN (Mercury Lounge)

As usual, we arrived early. We wasted time mall hopping and going to the movies. As we were unpacking, there were two young ‘uns who couldn’t get in. They bought our LP anyway. The opening act was one song away from being done by the time we’d returned from our food buy-out. They left and took what little crowd there was with ‘em. We played to an almost empty room. Two guys up front were really into us. They stood up front smoking put and staring. One girl had seen us in Detroit and was visiting her parents for Thanksgiving. The sound man is also a local DJ and he liked us enough to play us on his show. We’d made one more connection. This place sold beer only. Not even water. They gave Jo-Ann 50 cents to go across the way to a soda machine.

11/30/96- Saturday Roanoke VA (The Ghost of Hollywood)

We’d played this place when it was still the Iroquois. The new owner had really turned it around. Better sound system, little redecorating. I just wish he was more punctual. Dude told Jo 3-4 times he wanted us there at 7:30 pm sharp! His ass rolls up at 8:20 pm. The place filled quickly and there were 5 bands with us headlining. Lotsa merchandise sold and some guy with a camera took numerous shots. There was a band who we’ve known through several morphings and as usual, they were on the bill. Getting asked back is something we excel at and once again.

1997 Tour

Saturday June 28th - Ghost of Hollywood, Roanoke VA.

This one started off rather slowly yet turned into a monster. See, we were supposed to get there at 8 pm. Kevin (the owner) was notorious for being late. This time he wasn’t. We loaded in and soon after Deadfall, the other out of town band of the night, was there loading in too. Seemed like great guys. Joking and laughing amongst themselves the whole time. The cook wasn’t there yet and Kevin figured he’d order a pizza to cover his obligation to feed us. This was 9:00 pm 21:00 for you military types. nobody was really showing up. I think there was a whopping 10 people in this mid-LARGE sized club. We just knew it was going to be a bust. Deadfall went on at 10:35 pm. Soon after, the pizza arrived. One veggie and one meat. We were STARVIN like Marvin and chowed down, but these suckers were gnarly!! We finished up and at about 11:30, so did deadfall. the local act never showed you see. Neither did the crowd!! A few people drifted in to see us though. The sound man and bouncer were told to go home because there simply wasn’t anything for ‘em to do without a crowd. Kevin shouldn’t have set the sound man free to enjoy this local party so soon though. See, Deadfall only needed one mic. We needed three and the sound system was elaborate. Luckily, Elliott and the drummer of deadfall were sound men and set about the TASK of setting up two more mics. They never did get one started so we figured after nearly 30 minutes of knob-turning and such, that we’d give it a go with Jo’s mic which she’d share with Elliott and one for Ross. We kicked in a little crowd did mosey on in. We had a ball because the guy Tim and cutie of a girlfriend Kelly were there specifically to see us again and to offer a place to stay for the night. A few others had come for just the same reason. We figured we’d cut our set short, but the little crowd just kept wanting more. Some of ‘em had arrived late and wanted their money’s worth. We slipped the songs that we didn’t wanna do back into the set and even added two more. I noticed this big drunken guy right up front working himself into a frenzy. Jo-ann mockingly said she wanted to see somebody get naked. This fool did it!! First he took off his shirt and then unzipped his pants. I thought he was simply gonna moon us and pull ‘em back up when he let his pants fall to the floor! then kicked them off into a corner and jumped up onstage. Then bent over and spread his cheeks at the audience. Now it was time to dance around onstage pouring beer on himself. This was a big man, but he was hung like a Tylenol. Not even a gel cap. In his gyrations, he managed to slam into Jo, sending her flying towards my kit. She didn’t wanna destroy my kit so early in the tour so she diverted herself towards the floor. She landed wrong and dislocated two fingers. She did manage to finish the last song through tears and gritted teeth. We went first to Tim&kelly’S apartment to drop off the stuff and then Jo and El were on their way to the emergency room for x-rays. Ross, Tim, ??? and I talked for about 2 hrs then called it a night. Tim hadda work. I was awakened by Jo and El’s return. Ross, being the light sleeper that he is, heard their knocking and responded first. Jo told us that she was the hit of the emergency room. See, they have to write out what sent you to their care. Jo told the story and everybody had a great laugh. So begins our tour.

Monday July 30, Chapel Hill NC - Local 506

Dave, the owner of the place was there and ready to accept us. He’d flyered the area well and expected a nice turn-out, the local band, holy smoke, would go on after us because they had an almost guaranteed 30-40 draw. We weren’t being fed by this club, but we did have the Iizard&snake and their famous burritos. We went on at 11:30 to a small crowd that was really appreciative in spurts. The owner was digging it. Michelle from squatweiler showed up. her band had just come off the road with the Henry Rollins band this same day!! The other band members lived 2 hrs away. At least we had one person standing right up front the whole time bobbing her head. I broke my snare head two songs into the night. I knew it was going and had bought a new one about a month before departure. The most eventful thing at this show was talking shop with the owner. Keeping connected was always a good thing. Holy smoke, had sent a demo tape that had Dave convinced they were a punk band. Actually, they were really far from it. They started their set by asking for a round of applause in our behalf. Later they dedicated a song to us called ??? Jesus and Darth Vader. Michelle offered her place to crash and we gladly accepted. She had cats and this meant Jo & El in the van because of her allergic reaction to them, but it was a free place to stay. A young couple that were recording the event came over to get some posters and stickers. we were invited back the next time we hit town. This is always important.

Tuesday July 1st, Spartanburg SC - Ground Zero

This is the only place in Spartanburg to play. The new owners (two brothers) are trying to gain the attention of touring bands once again. See, the previous owner got shut down for serving minors. 15 times in one year!!! He also didn’t treat anybody well. Not the customers, bands or staff. These guys have had the place for 5 months and are turning things around. There’s a restaurant attached and plenty of pool tables and pinball machines. Big place too. All ages are welcome. one funny thing about this state is that the liquor can only be served from airplane sized bottles. See, the state can make more off the taxes if bars in South Carolina can only serve from the little airport jobs and you tax the hell outta each one! Then on Saturday nights, they had to stop serving alcohol and close at MIDNIGHT. It was officially Sunday ya know. The only saving grace to the place was that they could legally remain open till 4:00 am. Well, there were 5 bands and we were going 4th. The first band hit at like 9:30. The place was filled with kids. We partook of the vittles provided by the place. It was in our contract and was really good. The cook took pride in his work. Then finally at like 11:30 we took the stage. Literally because a local band, kill whitey, were claiming that one of ‘em had to goto work at midnight and they wanted to go next instead of last. We followed the only band in spartanburg with a woman in it!! They’d demanded to be on this bill because of that fact. We wowed ‘em and got off. Some merchandise exchanged hands and then it was time for kill whitey. These kids were pretty good. Why three young, white kids would name their band kill whitey, especially in this part of the country, was beyond me. The coop de grace was crack head John (an old black guy with shades and a cane) getting up onstage unannounced and joining in. The band just performed around him as if he was supposed to be there. It sounded like Jamaican reggae ramblings when I could make him out over the raucous music of these kids. Only in the south man. If this were Philly or NYC, his crack head ass would’ve been eating pavement at that point. After the festivities were all done, he continued to ramble on till his mic was turned off. After this spectacle, we found out that the owners had lost their keys. See, they’d trusted one of the band members from one of the local bands with their keys. They just threw ‘em to some kid to unlock the place while they continued to ready the bar. See the load-in entrance required a key. The older brother offered to let us stay at their place after the show. This idea was shot to hell with the removal of the keys. We ended up leaving because they couldn’t very well leave the place unlocked till the next business day. They were gonna just stay there till a locksmith could arrive to install all new locks. .A major ego boost was bestowed upon us in the form of an offer to play a 4th of July party for a rather hefty sum. Jay, a relative of two of the guys in the Marshall Tucker band, were throwing a party for the 4th. One of those start Friday and end Sunday night type deals. he was bar hopping tonight in hopes of finding a suitable band to help with the festivities. The owner of the club had recommend that he stop by during our set. He stayed for about 20 mins and went in search of bands in the 4 other clubs in town. later, he returned to extend his offer to us!! Unfortunately, we couldn’t accept because we were bound by contract to continue our tour into Florida. With deep regret, we skeedaddled part way to our next stop of Atlanta and found a little mom&pop motel and crawled into the sack.

Wednesday July 2nd, Atlanta GA - Dotties

Upon load in, we got the skinny on this place. There were only 4 clubs to play in this area and they were the kings of the “strange” acts. The booking agent told stories of bands playing there with food-fights, nudity and violence. The owners couldn’t care less about the strangeness of the acts because they usually brought more money into the place proportionate to their weirdness. We were opening for a local act called monster. We’d made friends with them via email. The show went on schedule and the audience was small, but attentive. I think we made our mark. On the owners, we surely made our mark. The oldest patron of the club was also on hand. He’d been coming to dotties for 30 years. His handle was cowboy. An older black guy who was once a musician and traveled the world. He was in a gospel band. Wisely took the money he made and bought a house and an 18 wheeler. Now he drives that truck for a living and only runs the N.E. corridor. As far north as Philly and as far south as Miami. Also plays in a local blues band. He bought a drink for Jo-ann and talked with her a spell. Apparently this was a monumental act. He told Jo that with his eyes closed, he thought she was a black gospel singer. The voice was just as full-bodied. not used to the humidity and such of this area, I couldn’t hold on to my sticks. Dropped twice during our set. I can only hope that I get better at this by the time we hit Florida.

Friday July 4th, Moto Lounge - Jacksonville FL

This one started off with a little twist. The club wasn’t feeding us, but one of the people who worked there, a pretty little thing named Lisa, volunteered to take us to a nearby food court for vittles. As soon as we entered the area, we noticed that the area was gearing up for the fireworks at sundown. People were everywhere. As we entered this indoor food court, a little black girl of 13-15 came up to us as we stood in a semicircle wondering what to eat. she just stood there staring at Jo-Ann’s hair. A couple minutes later, she’d introduced herself as tee and asked if it was ok to walk with us. Poor little friendless thing had taken a liking to me. If she was older, this could’ve been interesting. She’d only been living down here for a year. Every time she made friends, they’d move back out of the area leaving her alone again. We decided that a crowded food court wasn’t for us, so Lisa took us to a restaurant. It was equally as crowded and a little on the expensive side to boot. There was a 45 minute wait, but Lisa arranged things and our wait became 10 minutes. Tee was pressed up against me like some long-lost girlfriend right up until we decided that we’d rather take our chances at a truck stop than try to eat in this circus. After explaining to tee that I couldn’t take her with us and succumbed to a long embrace, we were off In search of food. We hit the highway and were reading signs. We all settled on ihop. When we returned to the club, there were people milling about and Jo set up the merchandise table. Some kids came over and we told them who we were and what kinda music we were gonna do. Some merchandise actually sold. posters were autographed and then they had to leave because a few of the 15 year olds had curfew. The sound man was In the 2nd band and decided that what he’d do is make the first band play 30 minutes and then his own band play 30 minutes and we had the rest of the night. We should’ve gone 2nd as originally planned, but like a cook in a restaurant, a band doesn’t piss off the sound man. The people still there were sincerely into it. As Elliott was tuning, one guy asked if he had enough time to go to the John!! We made new friends and exchanged email addresses with some kids working on the PGA golf tour. We were guaranteed that the next time we played this town, the old-school fans would be in attendance. Seeing that it was 4th of July weekend in Florida, we were told that there were no vacancies for a 50-1 O0mile radius. We left Jacksonville for the next show in Melbourne hoping that by the time we got there, we’d luck into a motel room. As luck would have it, we got just that. A reservation had fallen through, but policy dictated that they couldn’t rent it until 6 am. We’d arrived at 6:05 am. This was the only vacancy in Florida for another approximated 30-60miles.

Saturday July 5th Phat Cats - Melbourne FL

This place was nice. The people, the surroundings. This is the place that took us upon recommendation of another club owner in the area. See, the other place just had their owner refuse all punk shows because of the actions of one band. They were a punk band, that because of money reasons, keyed the club owners car. Luckily, the booking agent for the club didn’t wanna see us get jipped and sent us to another club. Jo-ann had never performed with a cordless mic before. She loved it. Nothing to trip over or tangle Elliott in. I’d never played a stage where the roof leaked. Water was coming down onto one of my crashes and then rolling onto my mounted Tom. After we got off, I was racing to retard the rust-damage. The owner loved us and asked us back. He even tried to get us on a mammoth punk bill the next day! he apologized profusely about the lack of audience members. The show was so short noticed and he said the next time we were through the area, he definitely wanted to have us advertised and billed with other old-school bands. Again, the few that remained, were really into it. The town was partied out from the 4th and nobody was spending money quite yet. What I’m gonna remember this town for, was the sweet accommodations and the throngs of delicious women. Did I mention my theory that hot weather breeds nicer looking women?

Sunday July 6th, Churchills Hideaway Miami FL

Here we were again in little Haiti. See, this gig was moved from the space cadet. those guys really took care of us none the less. Space cadet (they spell it space cadette) is a recording studio, record label and a place to have shows. We got there early and since there was nobody around, we went shopping. Jo-ann and Elliott wanted warm weather footwear. Elliott bought beach shoes and Jo bought FLUORESCENT green JELLY-sandals! We also found a tote bag for the maps and directions. After this, we returned to find the club occupied and went in. I was able to trade my snare head for a used one they had lying around. We got to see the weather go from muggy and hot to cool and tornado weather. One local told us that although not as fierce as the ones in the west, Florida’s were more numerous. They’d arranged for food to be brought to the space so we could eat. A nice Italian kid and his adorable French/Cuban girlfriend brought a veggie feast. Soon we were on our way to the club where the show was moved. We’d played Churchills hideaway last year and were familiar with the venue. The show was moved because the crowd was expected to be large. Juan was showing us the way to the club and we had to stop to pick up the opening act in his car. This was the place arranged for us to stay at. They had cats galore and since Jo is allergic to ‘em in a major way. We played to the first all-punk audience of the tour. Everybody in the place knew the difference between old-school and new-school punk and preferred the old stuff!! This place still was owned by the British dude and still had no ac. we sweat up the stage and made tracks to the next stop which was Tampa. What really cracked me up (pardon the pun) was the paying arrangements made. Things didn’t go as well as planned as far as audience size was concerned. The lead singer of one of the other bands, Ivy, was hitting up everybody. Even the crack dealer who sat through our set kicked in $3. Ivy even managed to scrounge up a coupon for a free carve ICE-CREAM cake to help the gig be more worth our while. Cookie Puss no less!! We promised each other to find a carve along the way and eat ourselves silly. We made enough to make it worth our time and skeedaddled to the next town. Racism reared its ugly head today. problem is that I couldn’t blame the girl. See, here we were in little Haiti and every black face in sight was a beggar or drug dealer. The white people here must have very bad OPINIONS of people of color and if all they see are these pathetic people, I can’t really blame ‘em. A friend of Ivy and her party didn’t want to be within 50 miles of me if she could help it. She wasn’t really outwardly nasty, but you know what I mean if you’ve ever had to deal with hatred. Driving all night put us in Tampa and cannonballing into the pool of the motel by 7:45 am. Life on the road is grand!!

Monday July 7th, 403 Chaos - Tampa FL

This place was a punk only record and zine store that housed punk shows. The kids started showing up early and were there in droves. I approximated 250 kids. The room was made to carefully hold about 25. The bathroom was behind the stage!! People kept disturbing my setting up by having to tinkle! As we kicked in, it was obvious that we were doing something wrong. The room was filled up through the first 3 songs and slowly from that point started to empty. Ross broke a bass string, but had his trusty backup behind stage and after a quick tuning, he was ready to go. I later found out that it wasn’t racism this time, but sexism. Jo was told later by some girls in town that the young ‘uns don’t like women in bands here. Women are to remain chaste little things to win over with your macho shenanigans not admired onstage. Those that did stay in the room were female or at least more open minded than their counterparts. I’m so glad we went first because this place heated up ungodly!! The windows steamed and the people coming out during the other bands sets were wringing their shirts out like dishrags. Going on first didn’t hurt our pay for the evening any, but it did hurt our merchandise sales that Jo was in the band. We took the money and ran. A lesson was learned and the owner loved us so it was all good.

Wednesday July 9th, The Nick - Birmingham AL

This place was just like we left it. We got here at like 3:00 am and hung out with Pam the owner. Beautiful Amazon of a woman. We hung with her and her hilarious cadre until it was late enough to hit the motel. After a full nights sleep, we had dinner at the Chinese restaurant that we hit every time we make this city and went to the club. We got there to an empty husk. Nobody was there except the band we were playing with. The drugs. The booking agent thought it would make for some hilarity. I took a picture of the BILLBOARD and the beautiful Pam. Our door person was Beth. She called her friend leesha and from there the place livened up. Chris Hendricks showed up and we convinced him to go to a free show up the street and bring some people back with him. We put him on our guest list in exchange for getting some people to come. Later, some fans from our previous shows here, had appeared. Like the taller of the two girls that were ROOMMATES. The shorter one wouldn’t allow the taller one to buy more than one item of our merchandise because she was already late on her share of the rent!! They ended up buying one CD and one t-shirt and sharing them. There was the die-hard ramones fan that thought we were the next best thing and never missed our shows. They all brought friends too!! the drugs played to the bare walls and split. We played to a dedicated core of fans that made us do two ENCORES before we were done. This place loves us and we have to put it on the list of places that’ll definitely enjoy our returns in the future. This was just a small taste of what it must be like to have fans. These people were entirely into us and hollering as if we were the rolling stones. I live for this feeling. It’s almost as good as sex. almost!!

Friday July 11th, Sluggo’s - Pensacola FL

Well, this one started off with a bang! After we were done moving equipment into the place. I took a walk by the bar on my way back upstairs to the stage area. Two hot 38 year old ladies stopped me. Karen and Tebra were their names. Karen was a blonde and an x-ray technician. Tebra was a dark brunette with strands of gray (oh, so sexy) and was a high-school teacher. Karen could smell my patchouli oil and immediately plunked her face in my chest. Tebra wiped the sweat from my brow and slathered her neck in it!! see, they were on a once a month girls-NIGHT-out. They both felt old and useless compared to all the 14-2Oyr olds running around in bikinis with tight bodies. They each were single moms doing the 9~5 thing and only let themselves go wild when daddy had the kid(s) and only once a month to once every other month. Karen had two 9 and 6 years old. Tebra had one 10 year old. They were drunk as skunks when we got there!! then Ross walks by and I tell ‘em he’s in the band and she grabs him tool! We hang with ‘em and tell ‘em where we’re from and that we’re playing soon. After Ross and I tear ourselves away from ‘em, I find out why Jo-ann wanted me to come upstairs. See, the sound man wanted us to do a sound check. We finished setting up and before we did, up comes these two lovelies again!! They really did want to hear us play. We did a motorhead cover and got offstage to ask ‘em where a good place to eat was. Karen led us to a nice place about two blocks down. Karen suddenly became our agent and started bugging passersby about coming to our show. She approached everybody she saw!! We had to restrain her physically at points. We get to the RESTAURANT and Karen wants to show us her tattoo. It’s on her right ass cheek and she cheerfully stands up, turns around and hike her denim dress to her waist and pushes her bikini underwear to one side for all the world to see! Then back to being our agent and telling the table behind us to come out to sluggos. Karen whipped out her credit card and insisted she pay for dinner. Tebra asked us if we’d like to spend the night at her place where she’d cook us a nice cheese-grits and scrambled egg breakfast. After dinner, back at sluggos, the place had really filled with people. This was going to be a cool night. we slammed the stage and as promised, Karen and Tebra started dancing up a storm to get t the rest of the crowd to move. Karen even snatched some guy off the sidelines and forced him to dance/mosh with her. Nobody wanted to be near them so half the room was packed while these two did their wild dance on one side of the room. The band that went on after us were from new Orleans. This was our next tour stop as well as theirs as they were headed home. We’d be playing around the corner from each other tomorrow night. They were bass-n-drums only and kinda funky. One girl and one guy with the girl on bass and doing most of the vocals. Some of stuff started to sell and people started to come over and talk. We had just developed some fans here. Karen bought a 7” and started walking around the room waving it in front of people’s faces saying “subliminal”. She thought waving it in front of peoples faces would prompt more sales. luckily, these kids respected their elders. Then she decided to get naked and I rebuttoned her dress before she could give everybody a free show!! It started to look fairly obvious to everybody in the room that I was going home with Tebra while Ross was going home with Karen. They’d offered several times. Lemme tell ya, this place was ripe with women ready to score. There were two sitting at the bar that were perturbed that I was hanging off Tebra instead of approaching them. I figured one at a time was only reasonable. As the night turned out, Karen was definitely in charge and had decided that if Jo&en weren’t coming to “party” with us, then nobody was getting any. Tebra was obviously still into it whether Jo&en showed or not, but didn’t have the gumption to assert herself and let Karen drag her off. See, we later found out that Karen wanted to fuck Jo&en as well as Ross. Tebra seemed more like a one-man kinda gal. The minute it was out that there wasn’t gonna be a wild scene with all 4 of us and the two of them, Karen lost interest and took her friend with her. Poor Tebra. 38 years old and lost her hubby to a 20 year old. See, he was a surfer dude and said she’d lost her funk because she worked a 9-5 job and was a homeowner and a stable life. She couldn’t wear fishnet body stockings and such like the co-owner of sluggos. as is turned out, this co-owner was the girl her ex husband had a major crush on and left Tebra for!!

Saturday July 1 2th, Monaco Bob’s - New Orleans LA

TJ still lives here just in another part of town. Her newest beau is George and he gave Ross and I a ride to the radio shack to buy some 9 volt clips to repair his guitar tuner. Dude wasn’t having a good tour. One of the speakers in his smaller cabinet blew and had to be removed. What better place than the air-conditioned spacious apartment TJ offered. I went to buy batteries for my flash unit and George just gave me 8 Duracells instead. This is the city where our friend Wayne (Wynona when in drag) from NYC was meeting up with us. We’re meeting him in another city farther west when he’ll travel with us for two nights as our merchandise person. He was having one hell of a night. He arrived to find that his room had been robbed and one of his bags was on its way to Atlanta!! We left him at the Amtrak station and went to make some music. The big easy is full of hookers and I almost got roped again, this little blond wisp of a thing kept staring and doing the doe-eyes routine. We played with two local acts that draw very well. Beauty and nut. We had our own cheering section in Jessica Kelly (wife of Mike Kelly our old booking agent) TJ&George and a couple that came specifically to see us. Even the owner remembered us. Things were great except the place was the size of a postage stamp and we couldn’t hear each other onstage. The audience never knew the difference and we just rocked out. Our next stop was San Antonio Texas and this meant getting outta dodge as fast as we could. Being the non-drinker that I am, I really don’t see what everybody sees in this place. Did you know you can get $6, 32 ounce. daiquiris at a drive through all over the state!?!?! This town is crawling with shapely women. Southern gals never forgot that regardless of what the magazines preach, a man likes a woman with curves!!

Sunday July 13th, DMZ - San Antonio, TX

This town loves us!! We sold so much merchandise. These kids knew the difference between old-school and new school punk rock and were definitely into old-school. Some bought merchandise and didn’t want the change!! Two kids just contributed $5 each just so we wouldn’t think bad of their town and never return. We let ‘em know that we knew how things worked and understood that it was a Sunday night and that the small crowd was cool with us. It was more important that they were totally into it. The band that went on after us were the Deceased and had speaker cabinets made into the shape of coffins complete with dead body (a ghoulish dummy) poking out. This group was a definite throwback to the early hardcore days. Mo hawks and heavily spiked leather were very prevalent here. What is it with us and Hispanic punks?? I love it!! Tonight Elliott and Ross switched sides onstage. Confused the hell out of Jo-ann.

Monday July 14th, Emos - Austin, TX

This place has housed some of the biggest acts in show business. We’ve been here a few times already and know the lay of the land. Justin was there. He’s the guy that put us up the last time we were here. 6th street, at this point, is much like Philadelphia’s south street. Touristy and glitzy and there’s a little gaggle of regulars no matter who’s playing. Believe it or not, there were people here who remembered us from previous shows and were here just for us. The opening act was called Girl Robot. It consisted of a drummer named Thor who looked like his namesake. On the short side with thick shoulders and arms and long brownish hair in two pigtailS. He played a strange drum kit too. A 20” bass drum with a 12” Tom tuned high to become a makeshift snare. His only cymbal was a 10” pair of sabian’ hi-hats and he sat on a barstOOl. Their bassist was a pregnant Mexican woman who had to sit because she was so severely pregnant. Then, married to the bassist was the guitarist. This guy was in a sequined shirt and skirt ensemble. Psychedelic tights and a face full of makeup. During our set, he pranced around making quite a spectacle. Thor’s bicycle helmet had bulls horns on it and this guy put it on and made bull-like charges Ifl his wild gyrations in front of the stage. Tomorrow we play the club in Houston with the same name. We were all in agreement this time that this emos was very cliquey. There was a little band of dread locked girls that wanted to come closer and openly enjoy themselves, but it was obvious that they’d lose cool points with their clan. Joe Mahoney was there. He was a big cheese in Philly at one point. People wanted the free posters and stickers but I don’t think anything sold. What’s funny is that we were in an area where money flowed freely. Just goes to prove that the richer folk are tighter with their wallets on certain things. The place had a nice crowd for a Monday night and we reveled in the knowledge that Mondays were the same in any city. Sometimes you hit and some-times ya missed. Playing to a group of cliques is better than playing to nobody.

Tuesday July 15th, EmoS - Houston TX

This is the other Emos. This one put all the clubs in its vicinity out of business and is flourishing. We played to a crowd that couldn’t care less whether we were onstage or not. There’s flO cover charge to get in and the pool tables are still free. People come to the only club of its size in this whole side of town in droves. It’s worse on the weekends when it’s meat~market central. The sound system wasn’t built to withstand Thorazine and we blew a monitor. Jo and Ross got tattooed by Carson today. El and I spent the day Lounging and taking a dip in the pool here at the motel. Lemme tell ya. Don’t get in the pool at the RodeWay Inn in Houston just off 1-10!! Can you spell gnarly!?!? The people that were inside instead of outside the place kinda liked what we were doing. Luckily, this is the kinda place where you make money no matter what, so we just played as if we were at Madison square garden. At least this time, the gay disco next door was closed. I thought I could do without the added show we always get from it.

Thursday July 17th, Albuquerque NM

I usually don’t write entries on days that don’t have gigs but these were special. first off, yesterday we took advantage of an offer to see the Houston zoo by lee. He’s a friend of robin’s and offered to take us behind the scenes and all for free!! The most hilarious moment was in the primates area when one little monkey was trying to get another one to perform fellatio on him. Jo-ann loudly exclaimed “look, he’s trying to get the other monkey to suck his dick!” I have to admit that this was exactly what it looked like. He thrust his pelvis into the other monkeys face and while holding him by the ears, jerked off into his face. What was funny was the reaction of the mothers and children around us watching. Right after Jo-ann said this, one mother immediately grabbed her children and started prompting her friends to do same. she said “let’s go honey, the nasty tattooed people aren’t being very nice”. Then there was today when we were on our way from Houston to Albuquerque when our left rear tire blew out!! Elliott was driving and he just politely drove us over to the side. luckily, we had a spare tire and a jack. Unfortunately, the van wasn’t low enough to get a good lift from the jack. This was quickly remedied by way of a brick. Ross just drove the van over the brick and we were then high enough so the jack could lift the van into position. A few minutes later and 8-12 miles later, we were at a Chevy dealer buying a barely used tire for $25!! It only cost $35 to have it installed. We were on our way in no time and pulled into Albuquerque and the cheap motel guaranteed us by the club tonight.

Friday July 18th, Launch Pad - Albuquerque NM

We always do well here. This place has only been open for 7 weeks (under the current ownership) there’s a restaurant up front and the club in back. The owner made great use of the space. In the balcony were pool tables and arcade games. Downstairs is the restaurant and bar occupying the front and the well equipped stage in back. The balcony overlooks the stage of course. The opening act went on while we were having our complimentary meal. The waitress was rather curt. she probably thought we weren’t going to tip or something. We gave our usual tip and she went all sweetness and light. The second band went on and I went outside to check out the bevy of beauties. Hookers, coke whores and cars. Not necessarily in that order. There was a trio of coke whores walking by that just stood out in my memory. One had huge tits. We’re talking 44DDD. another had great legs and kept hiking her dress above her head to show ‘em off. The third was the looker of the bunch with long hair and an angelic face. Our waitress came barreling out to move her ‘52 Chevy out of the dirt lot across the street to a vacant spot right in front of the club. Beauty was in abundance tonight as usual for this place. Then, we hit the stage. We had a reputation to live up to and by all accounts, we did!! What is it with Thorazine and Mexican guys? midway through, a young Mexican guy, shirtless and covered in tattoos, hopped up onstage and gyrated until he got the proper acknowledgement from us. I guess my grunts of approval and Ross’s thumbs up were enough. There was a pit that erupted and remained during our entire set. our website designer Ezra was in town and had brought his friend along. They were gyrating and slamming with the best of ‘em. We sold lotsa merchandise and even the owner bought some!! then it was on to mesa Arizona. We’ll always be welcome in this town and we’ll always make it a point to stop here.

Saturday July 19th, Hollywood Alley Mesa AZ

We called from the motel to find that our show was canceled. The booking agent had changed the show around and not informed us. The guys name was Ross and our Ross had called him a week before we left Philly to confirm the show and get directions. Dude was over 6 feet tall and gay!! If he didn’t want the show, he should’ve said it then. He gives Elliott this COCk-fl-bUll story that when he didn’t return the contract, that it was as good as saying no to the show. He couldn’t return all the phone calls because his phone bill would be sky high because he gets 30 packages a day. My argument was why didn’t he tell Ross the show was canceled rather than give him directions and tell him that there was still a show? The guy was scared shitless that we were gonna tear the joint apart and offered to give us food and drink and allow us to watch the band that was scheduled to play. We did still have to wait for Wayne to show up, but decided that it was safer to just go elsewhere and eat. We wouldn’t have done well in this place anyway. It was a total suburban haunt with shoe-less patrons and the smell of patchouli everywhere. I could just make out the strands of grateful dead-esque music sneaking out. These people would’ve ran for the hill if we’d played there. After we we~t off to eat and returned, Wayne was waiting there with his cousin and her boyfriend. We took off and headed straight for LA We did still have a CD to record and a video to shoot.

Thursday July 24th, Al’s bar - Los Angeles CA

We’d played here 2 years ago and back then the same thing had took place. We were given bad directions and were circling the area trying to find the tiny Hewitt street that contained our destination. Ahead of us, we spotted a pickup with it’s bed filled with band equipment. we figured, if they’re an LA. band, they might know where the club is. We followed ‘em into a gas station where if they didn’t know, we’d ask the attendant. As it turned out, they were searching for the club too!! they were a band called spot and were as lost as we were!! We looked at their flyer which contained a map and because we’d been there before, Jo-ann knew how to get us there. Spot followed us and we arrived on time. The club was virtually empty at this early hour. There were posters of our coming everywhere. These people must’ve been starving for old-school punk rock. in the LA weekly, our show was mentioned as the thing to do on Thursday. Although a local band named crack received the big mention. We did the usual hanging out and then friends started showing up. This place paid you on how many people said they came specifically to see you. We were the draw of the night. The sound here is less than desirable and I’m being kind. The place is known for it’s homey ambiance and not great technology. I was pleased to find that using the hard plastic head of my drum pedal produced a louder bass drum than the more traditional felt beater. Since there were no mics on anything but vocals, I needed all the volume I could muster to cut through the guitars and vocals. Blaze James from Flipside magazine was there and bought a t-shirt after the set. the place hadn’t changed much in our 2 year absence. our set was well received and the slunk our sweaty bodies offstage to talk with people. Soon after crack took the stage. This is the 2nd time somebody booked us with a band that made the evening sound more like a joke. Thorazine and crack!! The engineer from room 222/bird dog music, James was there with his girlfriend. Our old friend Ben and his fiancee and a friend were there. Robin Kay and Ann came with lee and Aimee. One of the guys from blunt and a friend were there. The ranks of friends/fans was growing.

Saturday July 26th , Vacant Lot - Hollywood CA

This is the sight of our first video. The guy, David, rented a vacant lot and had a storage unit installed. See, the premise is that these two young yahoos kidnap Ross. They’re driving around in a van, listening to Thorazine and drinking beer with Ross tied up in the back. Still playing his bass he’s lying in back. The rest of us are in the storage unit and playing away. Ross is pulled roughly from the van and thrown into the storage unit with us. We finish the song and then realize that we’re trapped inside. The whole time we’re playing, these two are slammin and having a great old time. then they slam the storage unit doors shut with our hands fighting to get out. They then get back in the van and drive off. This little ditty took from 8 am to 6 pm to shoot!! Checking the lighting and multiple shots of the same damned song!! It wasn’t as boring and redundant as I thought it would be. The crew was really agreeable and all went faster than expected because we all worked well together. There was a full truckload of cameras, lights and other accessories that I didn’t quite understand. There was a shitload of free food too!! I’d seen and heard of this kinda thing, but here we were in the middle of it. The stars of it. during one of the moments when I wasn’t needed, I went shopping on Melrose place for classic converse all-stars. You remember the canvas and b-tech design from your childhood don’t ya? I got mine in black leather!! while galivanting around Melrose, I bumped into Ric Ocasek from the cars!! I wasn’t sure it was him until I yelled out “Rid” Life is all-good. Our friend robin Kay is a movie-maker now with nearly a $1,000,000.00 budget and she’s cutting a punk movie. After hearing the recording (a rough mix brought by James the engineer at the studio) she was very interested in using us as the music for the movie!! Lots of things could happen from here.

Sunday July 27th, Chameleon - San Francisco CA

I’m not a fan of this town. Full of hippies and hills. We arrived and found the place having Simpsons Sunday. See, they sit around watching the Simpsons and having giveaways during the commercials. There were two guys who brought their dogs to the viewing (how San Fran) we went on to a decent sized audience for a Sunday night with no advertising. The booking agent for the place had recently quit taking his pa system with him. We played unmic-ed and Jo-ann was coming out of a contraption from radio shack!! When she got offstage so Ross could sing the one song that he sings instead of Jo-ann, he said it sounded as if we were coming out of a tin can. Anyway, we played until it was obvious that we weren’t hippie enough for the room. The weird moment came in the form of a blond haired transvestite/sexual from NY. Her and her dark haired friend, who was a real woman, and a man, sat right in front. Apparently, the guy was a John and blondie was hooker. I don’t know what raven hair had to do with anything. Blondie kept staring at me and licking her lips and such. The John wasn’t enjoying the performance. She had to keep stroking his crotch to keep him from getting upset. Midway through our set, she took him downstairs for a quick knob slob. By the time we called it quits, the room was more than half empty. Looks like we’re not welcome here. I for one couldn’t care less.

Tuesday July 29th, Satyricon - Portland OR

This was the place we played over a year ago when we stayed with Bradley from the weaklings, he’d set up the show for us and did eventually come down to say hello. Steve from the drapes was there with his girlfriend and the all girl band that went on before us, lady speed stik, was really into us. This night was wroughtWith disaster though. Ross blew a fuse while setting up and didn’t have spares. I took a seat on my drum throne and it promptly took a shit!! Ross borrowed the bassist from lady speed stik’s head and I borrowed a throne from the sound man and we were back in the mix. The little crowd that was there were very physical!! luckily, they were all thin so we were hoping for no broken fingers. At one point one guy jumped onstage and grabbed Ross by the ass while trying to lick his bass. Jo-ann was pulled to the floor NUMEROUS times and the roar they made in between songs was inspiring. We ended up having to do an encore before they’d let us leave!! why is it we have a blast in the most unlikely of places? A big part of it we found out later is that this area is screaming for the type of music we do. the top~o~the~flight came when I gave the busted drum throne to Steve. He stood there flabbergasted to the chagrin of his beautiful girlfriend who had to be at work at 8 am and was giving him a ride. Dude couldn’t stop asking if I was for real. Like I was gonna change my mind or something. He knew what to do to make the throne usable again and I just decided I’d buy a new one in the next town. Seattle that is.

Wednesday July 30th, Sub Zero - Seattle WA

Of all the places we’ve visited, this is the one city where I could actually see myself transplanting to. the climate is motorcycle friendly all year round and I just liked the place. Tonight was definitely a punk rock night. This was a page out of the early to mid eighties West Philly hardcore scene. It was a Wednesday night, but the kids here were slamming and drinking themselves into a frenzy to the sounds of old-school hardcore. Not a pair of baggy shorts drooping about the butt or a backwards baseball cap among ‘em! We went to dinner and returned to a scene right out of any punk rock movie. By the time we went on, things had thinned out. We later found out that some of the people didn’t even know there was a band following the last act (piss drunk) I wasn’t too happy about following ‘em anyway. Their lead singer was doing full leaps into the waiting arms of the audience every 2-3 minutes. Jo noticed one kid throw up while in the pit, regain his bearings and continue as if nothing had ever happened. Can you say party hardy!?!? Those that did remain liked what we did, but there wasn’t enough of ‘em interested enough to start a pit. We were asked back and they knew they’d fucked up by putting us last instead of letting piss drunk headline. I personally think the sound man had something to do with it though. He was livid with us that we weren’t on time for load-in. Little did he know that we were at the beck and call of Evan foster of the boss Martians. He’s our label-mate and we were staying at his house. He knew how to get us to the club and he decided when we left. It’s all water under the bridge now and we made some gas money towards Montana and we sold some merchandise. One thing that happened too was that Maria from the trading musician here in town did make it to the show. While I was at the shop buying a new drum throne, I met her and gave her a sticker telling her that if she was really gonna make it down, I’d put her and a friend on the guest list. After the show, she came up to buy some stuff and tell us how much she biked us and to tell me that if I’d spread the word about what she’s doing, she’d spread the word about us. She’s the only black person in an all white scene. She’s the buyer and manager of the drum department at the Trading Musician. A black woman has never held such a position and she’s making a name for herself by really knowing her shit. She’s a drummer also. We definitely have lost a 7” display copy because of tonight. As I leaned forward to give her a goodbye hug and kiss, my knee hit the record which Jo-ann had laid on the edge of the stage and it snapped mid farewell. I think we got to see the beginning of the return of hardcore music In the town most remembered for grunge.

Thursday July 31 st Jays Upstairs Missoula MT

Every tour has one and this was it. the worst place we’ve played to/at on this outing. I knew we were running into trouble with this one. We’d heard so much about the place being a good place to turn a buck. see, there’s not much to do about town and you can have folks come from miles around. As our luck would have it, there was a big show the previous night and most of the punk people were sleeping off last night!! We were guaranteed food here. It turned out to be these tiny microwave sandwiches and chips+soda. Since they had nothing for vegetarians to eat, my dinner consisted of some old peanuts in the shell and some prepackaged nuts+soda. The first and second bands shared equipment (including one of my cymbal stands) and members. We played to a small gaggle of folks. These people were into it all the same. The management invited us back and apologized profusely. They gave us a 12 pack of soda for the road as well as a pack of cigarettes for each member that smoked. We sold some merchandise which really made the trip well worth it and there were the usual funny stories after our set. There was a guy in town that used to have a zine and since went into the peace corps. His roommate opened the package and after reading ab out us, just had to come out. there was a couple who came early and stayed just to see us. The guy walked up to me and gave me money and said “put it towards the road-fund in hopes you guys come back”. There was a guy who was in with the local radio station and said that if we stayed in town and went to the station the next day, he could guarantee an on-air interview and possibly have us play on the air. We exchanged contact info with the guy, but decided to make our way on to salt lake city.

side note

We drove to some city in Iowa and went to sleep. there’s nothing notable here except that the water was recently contaminated! It was totally undrinkable unless you either boiled it first or preferably put in 7 drops of bleach per gallon and then boiled it. Jo-ann got sick. We couldn’t eat at any local restaurants for fear of contamination and ended up having one heck of dinner in our motel room with stuff we got at a market. Packaged goods only. Anything prepared there and Montezuma would be visiting!! We drove the last 224 miles to Salt Lake and did laundry.

Saturday August 2nd, Spanky’s Salt Lake City UT

The last time we played this town, we were perpetrators of a spectacle. This time was no different, these people had serious deer in headlight syndrome. See, the hi-fives are a 60’s garage act and the night was already booked as theirs. The singer remembered us from the time we played together in Berkeley. The rest of the band was pretty unresponsive because they’d apparently been fighting. This was their 1st tour and we sincerely wish ‘em luck. We got thrown on last minute. And the audience was not a punk audience. We were in a different club than last time, but Spider was still the booking agent and he liked us just fine. We had guaranteed money no matter what the audience did or thought. We did our thing and skeedaddled all the way to Denver. Late in the night, we did stop for gas and there was a moving truck whose occupants noticed our Pennsylvania license plate. They were from Hershey and bought a CD!! This didn’t put a major damper on things because we were playing Denver. we have friends in Denver. The club was feeding us (Ok so we got dissed on the last feeding) and what the hell, we were getting closer to home.

Sunday August 3rd, Area 39 Denver CO

The last time we played Denver, we played on the other side of town. We played with Bill Houston on a show although a mixed match, went very well. This time through, Bill had moved and we had no way of contacting him. He did assist with the name of this club though. They knew who we were and built a punk show around us!! The club has a kitchen and that’s how they were gonna honor the contract in terms of feeding us. The owner sister was married the previous day the reception was held there at the club, this meant the kitchen was a wreck and we got Little Caesars pizza. They paid for one veggie and one with meat. the two opening acts played for free and the third ended up spending their money on their guest list. We ended up making all the money that night. When everybody found out we were headed for Minneapolis, they contributed towards our cause. The bartenders each gave a percentage of their tips and we were welcomed back. We also sold quite a bit of merchandise. This happened at a gig that I thought was really gonna bomb. The racism and sexism here is open and uncontested. One of the opening acts was headed by the club owners son. They were of Hispanic descent so I can only assume that he was just being weird. But his comments about it being ok to go out and beat up little children and blacks weren’t funny to me. Then came the 3rd act that threw around a black blow-up sex doll and had openly racist songs. Openly sexist too with comments about women that were right out of the backwoods of the 1800’s or something. The things they did with the blow-up doll weren’t racial at all. But Jo-ann was justifiably pissed at the random acts of violence committed against the faux woman. “Mutilate the bitch!” was a common ranting. Violence mixed with sexual acts on a doll are more than just childish fun in my opinion. It’s the beginning of things to come if it goes unchecked. Their stance was that they were tired of being blamed for everything just because they were white males. This I can understand to a point, but I was really revved up and seconds from squishing dude like a pimple!! Ya gotta think in times like these about the consequences later on. We’d never be invited back. Our gear would probably take a beating in the fracas. The list went on and on, so I bit my tongue and just played. Wouldn’t ya know it. Those little bastards were the first ones in front of the stage cheering us on!! A woman and a black and here they were jammin their faces off. When we were called back to two encores, would you guess who was the main one yelling for more? Even gave us his name and address so when we come through town again, he’d know and be able to get dibbs on playing with us. Ross took off after the show with some little cutie. she promised to drop him back at the motel room when she was through.

Tuesday august 5th ,1 st Avenue and 7th Street Minneapolis MN

This is the same place where Prince’s Purple Rain was shot. You remember that early 80’s flick with him and Appolonia and Morris day of the time? Well, here we were in the club where it all happened. We drove all the way from Denver to get here on time. We knew we’d be loosing an hour in the Mountain to Central time zone change. After leaving the motel room, we hopped in the van only to find that we needed a jump because our battery was toast. Jo and El went into a bar and found a guy who’d do it for the price of a beer! After getting a jump, we were headed for the super Kmart. We could get a new battery and an oil change all in the same place. We could also hit the attached supermarket for food to make our 16+ hour drive as short as possible by eliminating the need for food stops. Jo-Ann needed contact lens solution too. Anyway, we were hours late in our departure and arrived 20 miles from Minneapolis to find that the motels were either ridiculously expensive and/or wouldn’t let us check in till 3 pm or some craziness. We drove around for 2 hrs going from motel to motel only to find that we were in a definite sellers market. We gave in and went to the club. From there, we were able to find a motel a block away. Yellow pages are a good thing. We went there only to find that we couldn’t check in until 1 pm. It was 12 noon so we parked in the attached lot and had breakfast in the van. After a much deserved sleep, we went to the club to load in our equipment. See, this place is a carnival of entertainment. On the main stage, was African rhythms tonight. We were on the smaller stage which played simultaneously and patrons could walk back and forth between the two stages. It was Lollapalooza indoors!! Video games and a balcony and 5 bars. The opening act in the rock room was already on and kicking when we came back from our dinner at TGI Fridays. The club was supposed to pay for our dinner, but there was no proof of the signed contract and we got jilted. Luckily, it was the best meal we’d had in forever and didn’t mind paying anyway. We did get the guaranteed money for the performance though. Jo-ann got drug up to the office for a chit chat. They were very interested in how we were able to book ourselves and her/our opinions of the groups they had booked for the month. She felt as if she were part of a survey. Seems that the place doesn’t hire bands that book themselves. They took a chance on us because they liked the CD and we came off as very professional. They liked what they saw in us and invited us back when they promised to do a better promotion of our arrival. Jo-ann did hear the announcement over the pa in the main room that we were going on at 11 pm. See, the African rhythms show ended about 25 minutes before we went on. Out there was becoming a rave. Electronic screens everywhere and dancing lights and music. Afterwards, we met Frank Zappa’s cousin who has a cable access show here in town and wants to get a copy of our video that we cut in LA. She also would like to be the show we do a live performance on the next time we’re in town. Her show could springboard us into the limelight the next time we’re here because everybody who does the club circuit, watches her show. We also met an